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Six Months

My little one is six months old! It's shocking how much faster her infancy has flown by than Will's did. I guess I'm about 100 times busier this time around, and approximately 1,000 times more tired. As a result, I have written almost nothing about her. Which, you know, is probably good. Because really, if you are going to consistently blog about your darling one's first six months it's either going to consist of complaints about lack of sleep, or excruciatingly boring posts recording the minutiae of her first everythings. Nothing that anyone wants to read, unless you are said infant's grandmother.

So, I will cunningly wrap up her first six months in one post. Key words: the sweetest baby ever.

She is a great observer. Unlike her brother, who was the life of the party since the day he was born, Emma prefers to sit on my lap and watch the show. She can entertain herself for a long time, she just needs something interesting to chew on, remove from her mouth, gaze at quizzically, reinsert in her mouth, and repeat ad infinitum. Preferably her bare toes, but soft toys and hard books are welcome too.

She likes to check people out from a distance. She needs to make sure that they aren't going to do something terrible to her, and she really makes them earn her trust. But once she likes you, you are more than welcome to hold her and she will probably try to suck on your chin. Or eat your hair. Or pull your ear off. So you know, it's a mixed blessing to be one of her favorite people.

She's still tiny, despite the fact that she nurses every two hours AROUND THE CLOCK. She's not quite 15 pounds, although she has multiple chins and some seriously Rubenesque thighs. We started trying to wean her off of one of the nighttime feedings this weekend, and I can add horribly loud and powerful lungs to the list of her admirable traits.

 She reaches and grabs for everything, and of course it all goes in her mouth. We started feeding her baby food at Christmas, and it's taken about a month for her to get the hang of it. She really wasn't into it at all. She now loves all the vegetables and plain oatmeal, and oatmeal mixed sparingly with fruit, but fruit on its own? No thank you. I will try to sneak in a spoonful of applesauce or pears in between bites of oatmeal and you would think I was trying to poison her. She looks and sounds exactly like Bill the Cat from the Opus comic strip...Ack, ack!!! Her entire face puckers up and she coughs and spits it out. So strange. What baby dislikes fruit?

Emma loves to be held, and kissed and talked to, and she gets plenty of it here. I think N. and I were starved for it, because Will was not into any of that as a baby. He was too curious and on the go from a very, very young age, and hugging was clearly slowing him down. He's actually a super affectionate kid now, but not as a baby. So, having a baby who loves nothing more than sitting on your lap, or resting her head on your shoulder, or sleeping in your arms is just heaven for us. It could also explain why her physical skills are perhaps a little behind. For instance, she doesn't really roll over yet. This could be because neither of us ever want to put her down. We'll have to work on that.

The best thing about having two kids? Watching them interact. I had no idea how great this would be, even at their young ages. Will is fantastic with her, and he is clearly her favorite person in the world. He loves to make her laugh, and to bring her toys, and to help me take care of her. Emma can not take her eyes off of him. She is so distracted by him that I can't nurse her in the same room unless he is perfectly quiet, which is of course never. She watches every move he makes. She's started to try to get his attention now too. He'll be watching Curious George in the morning and she'll be on the floor in her baby gym. She'll start cooing at him and making little baby shouts until he acknowledges her. Then she kicks her feet and laughs and goes back to staring at him.

The best way to make her laugh is to walk up or down the stairs with her in your arms, and have Will follow. I don't know what it is about it, but she will stare down at him and give up these huge belly laughs. Works every time.

Her first six months have been wonderful, despite all of my complaining of lack of sleep. I have enjoyed pretty much every minute of her babyhood. I can't wait for the next six months. Although she'll probably start taking Will's toys pretty soon, once she is mobile. I suppose we'll have a whole new sibling relationship then...things to look forward to!

Dear Mr. Maher: You are an idiot.

So there I was, innocently minding my own business, when I was accused of masturbating in public. What was I doing, you may ask? Why, salaciously breastfeeding my daughter in the airport. Shocking, huh? Who accused me of this disgusting crime? None other than Bill Maher, famous talk show host and registered idiot. Now I'm making this sound more dramatic than it was (this is a blog after all). Bill Maher was not actually in the airport with me, rather, he reached out to interrupt a very peaceful nursing session via the back page of Elle magazine.

It's funny, I live in a community where nursing is totally the norm, and I see women breastfeeding their babies (and toddlers) in public all of the time. Very often they don't cover up with a blanket. It is such a norm here that I have felt weird and guilty on the few occasions where I've given Emma a bottle in public. I feel more comfortable nursing with a thin blanket over her when I'm in public--it's my own issue, and I could care less if other women nurse without a cover up. I just prefer to not show the world my boobs.

This is not good enough for Mr. Maher, unfortunately. Here is an excerpt from the interview. 

ELLE:On your show, you created an uproar among so-called “lactivists.” When discussing the breastfeeding mother asked to cover herself by an Applebee’s waitress, you compared breastfeeding to public masturbation. Would you have had an issue if she’d covered herself?
BM: Not as much of an issue. But the idea that my mother would have ever breastfed me in public is unimaginable.

ELLE: You do realize babies need to eat every couple hours.
BM: Is it a big deal? No. But don’t they have changing rooms and bathrooms?

Ah, that's what I should have done! Perched over the dirty toilet in the women's room at the airport! Better yet, so as not to offend anyone, I probably should have nursed in the bathroom on the airplane. Of course that would mean no one could use it for 20 minutes (twice, on one of our flights), but hey! As long as people weren't offended by the sight of me feeding my baby.

I know I shouldn't get upset about this. As my husband pointed out when I was ranting and raving about it the other night, Bill Maher is paid a lot of money to say whatever comes into his head. He is trying to provoke a response and I'm feeding into his enormous ego by rising to the bait. But I can't help it. The interview (you can find it here) was so annoying on so many levels and then wham...the nursing women are disgusting comment.

I just love how he talks about women in the interview. Basically we are good for fucking. He is apparently a frequent guest at the Playboy Mansion, he doesn't think women should "embargo their vagina(s)," i.e. withhold sex from men, and he talks about how great it is to get a blow job from his girlfriend because of her tongue piercing. But breastfeeding outside of your home (even covered up) is like public masturbating. I guess Maher knows that breasts are REALLY for...not your baby, you silly mommy...men.  

I wrote a letter to the editor.

Dear Elle:

Your interview with Bill Maher was fascinating. I have one comment.

Do you know what else would have been unimaginable in your mother's day, Mr. Maher (besides breastfeeding in public)? Talking about getting a blow job from your girlfriend in a national women's magazine. Classy! I hope all of the nursing mothers out there learn from you and use their breasts in the way nature intended: to attract men. Is this a lesson you learned during one of your frequent trips to the Playboy Mansion?

Look for it next month! Just kidding, I'm sure they won't publish it. But it made me feel so much better to write it. Ok, I'm off of my soapbox. Do you think I'm overreacting due to the large amount of hormones still floating through my body and my extreme lack of sleep? Or do you find his comments as offensive as I did?

Vacation is not for the weak

We are back.

My fears were unfounded: both children were WONDERFUL during the traveling portion of our trip. They slept for long periods of time on the airplane, there was a minimal amount of crying, and they weathered an unplanned four hour layover in the Denver airport with as much grace as the three-and-under set can manage.

The rest of the trip did not proceed quite as smoothly, but it wasn't horrible either. Sleeping in one room was as challenging as I expected it to be, but in a different way. I thought the hard part would be sharing a bed with Will, but actually, Emma was the squeaky wheel. If by squeaky wheel you mean the extremely loudly crying infant who woke up hour after hour all night long. Sleeping with Will in our bed was surprisingly nice. The king sized bed makes a world of difference. He still liked to sleep smooshed up right next to me, but we had a little more room to spread out, and I found it endearing. His warm little body kept me toasty as I jumped in and out of bed multiple times every night to frantically shove my boobs in Emma's screaming direction.

The weather did not cooperate, but it was still much warmer and sunnier than it would have been at home. We were out and about for hours every day in jeans and light jackets, despite quite a bit of rain. We did our usual run of kid friendly entertainment--zoo, children's museum, short hikes, lots of parks, and we ate (very quickly) in some of our favorite restaurants. All in all, it was a good trip. We spent a lot of time with N.'s relatives, and we didn't have to go to work, so I guess that's about all you can ask for in a vacation with two young children. N. and I have decided that we are going to take a 3 or 4 night vacation to an all-inclusive resort in Mexico next year, leaving the kids with my parents. Now that sounds like a vacation.

The really great thing about our vacation was that I had some uninterrupted time to read, on the planes, and at night after the kids went to sleep. I read Excellent Women and No Fond Return of Love by Barbara Pym (thanks to Kerry for recommending them) and The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery (thanks to Jen for recommending it). Such great finds. Barbara Pym is absolutely wonderful. She reminds me of Mary Stewart in a weird way. I love, love, love Mary Stewart for vacation reads, but I have read them all, so I was delighted to replace her with Barbara Pym.

If you've read both authors you may think I'm crazy, but hear me out. Stewart and Pym novels have many similarities. First of course because of the time period (50s and 60s), also the very Englishness of their writing, and finally how intelligent and literary their heroines and their references are, and they way their female characters are strong, independent and quite funny. The huge difference in their writing is that Stewart wrote mystery/adventure type books where the protagonist is active and adventurous and often in a foreign country in danger...and of course, finds love at the end. Pym's novels are much quieter, and deal with relationships and the everyday life of women who choose to live quietly, and sometimes choose to live without romantic love. I kept thinking as I read Excellent Women how funny it was that the character of Helena Napier could be in a Mary Stewart novel, with a little tweaking. Pym's heroines are the "old-fashioned" women of the 1950s and 1960s and Stewart's are the "modern" ones. Anyway, Pym is wonderful and I can't wait to read more.

I also really enjoyed reading The Elegance of the Hedgehog. It's a funny kind of book. The short chapters kept me reading, and there is enough of a plot to hold your interest, despite the fact that little happens. I didn't find any of the characters that likable, but yet, I still wanted to read it. Curious. I felt that Barbery entered the head of the 12-year old rich girl in a much more realistic and believable way than the middle class, middle-aged concierge. Also, I am a notorious sentimental fool and I cry easily and often, but this book did not make me form a single tear, despite it's clearly designed for the waterworks ending. I know that I'm not giving this book the most glowing review here, but I really did like it!

Next up in the reading queue: Moon Tiger by Penelope Lively and Chronic City by Jonathan Lethem.

2 Kids, 1 Plane

I'm spending much of my sleepless state fretting about our upcoming vacation to Arizona, to see N.'s family. Although it will be beyond wonderful to leave this frozen tundra and spend a week in 70 to 80 degree weather, there are some drawbacks. Namely, taking two flights for a total of almost 8 hours of travel each way, and sleeping in one room, FOR SIX NIGHTS, with two young children.

Don't be deceived by their cute little faces. It is not going to be pretty.

We have to go or we would literally never see his family, as none of his siblings or their families are in a financial position to fly to see us. I keep repeating, it's going to be fine, it's going to be fine, as I hunch over into a seated fetal position and rock slowly back and forth...

So, if you happen to see these two adorable kids on your flight in a few weeks, please do us all a favor and drink heavily. That's my plan.

Alice Craptastic

I can't remember where I read a good review of this book. I would really like to remember, so I could know to never trust their reviews again. Salon? I don't think so...probably some random internet browsing session. Anyway, despite the pretty awesome title, Alice Fantastic by Maggie Estep is not so great.

The book is about two half sisters in their 30s, Alice and Eloise, and their 50ish, hippy mother, Kim. They tell the story in the first person, each getting an alternating chapter. Most of the time I couldn't tell the two sisters apart. Estep tries very, very hard to be edgy and a little shocking, but it feels forced. The characters and the situations they are put in are so over the top that they become caricatures and completely unbelievable.

Alice is a professional gambler, and a cold-hearted bitch. Her taste in men is ridiculous and self destructive. Eloise is rich, due to an accident where she fell in a manhole cover and received a huge settlement from the city of New York. She designs expensive stuffed animals when she feels like it, and dates a trapeze / performance artist. Kim lives in the woods outside Woodstock with 17 rescued dogs and her 20ish ex-model lesbian lover. I feel ridiculous even typing this out. I actually wondered as I was reading this if Estep thought of the most outlandish careers/stories possible in a drunken stupor one night, and then threw them all into one book.

If that setup isn't implausible enough, Estep throws in a famous and beautiful female movie star who falls in love with one of the sisters, a shallow cad who unknowingly dates both of the sisters, a mobster gambler being pushed in front of a train and the only somewhat likable character in the book stricken with cancer two thirds of the way in and killed off by the end.

I didn't care about any of the characters, I didn't find the writing edgy or shocking or even interesting, and I can not believe that this is her fifth novel. Don't read it.

Girl Trouble

Ok, let's start the year off right! My resolution for 2010 is to read more, and to expand my reading horizons. I found it very instructive to keep a list of what I read last year. I realized how I need to become a little more organized because my reading time is much more limited with two children, and I don't want to waste a minute of it. Well, maybe a few minutes of it, as I still have 3 or 4 Sookie Stackhouse's to get through. But beyond that, I know I need to plan ahead and get a large list going to place on hold at the library. 

It's taken me some time to fully grasp that my days of browsing the stacks are over. Too much of my time is taken up with wrangling the three year old, soothing the 5 month old and picking out children's books to find the perfect book for myself. If I don't have something waiting for me at the checkout desk I will frantically grab the first book I see, resulting in horrible wastes of time, like Kill Your Friends. Thanks to babelbabe and Kerry's recommendations from last year, I have plenty of books to start on in January.

Sometimes though, picking up a book at random really pays off. Last week I checked out Girl Trouble, by Holly Goddard Jones. It's a new collection of short stories, and I highly recommend it.

All of the stories take place in Roma, Kentucky (fictional location, I think). The central theme in each story is loss. They are packed with missing fathers, dead mothers, multiple miscarriages, and dead or dying children. Relationships are seriously dysfunctional, and there isn't a happy person in the lot. Sounds great, right? Somehow she manages to pull off a compelling and not really that depressing collection. I liked every story except one.

Jones is at her best detailing the myriad ways relationships go sour. Most of the characters in her stories are either outwardly hostile to their spouses or children, or at the very least scared and resentful. The only happy relationships she recounts are where one of the couple is dead.

The characters are fully drawn, interesting and believable. Jones manages to successfully write in the voice of a 12-year old boy, a 60-year old man, and a 40ish woman, among others. Her ability to get into the heads and understand how each of them feel, and how they would react in a situation is remarkable. Her level of detail about their lives is also spot-on.

Strangely, the aspect of Jones' writing that I felt missed the mark is her description of place. These stories could have been set anywhere. She spends almost no time describing the landscape, the weather, or anything outside at all, unless it is intrinsic to the story (such as one story taking place primarily in a neighbor's pool during the summer). I was surprised and disappointed by this, because to me the setting can be the most interesting part of a narrative.

Even her description of the city, which I'm sure in Jones' mind is a central character in each story, was lacking. I thought at first that Roma was a very small town, but other stories contradict that, with characters mentioning housing projects and many distinct neighborhoods.

But, I am willing to get past that because Jones' talent clearly lies in exploring the interior lives of her characters, and I found that fascinating. A little depressing, but so well written. I kind of wish that all of the stories didn't have to have hinge on such tragic situations, but I guess that makes the story, right? Otherwise they would just be character studies. You've never met such a collection of unlucky people though.

Anyway, check it out. I think Jones is talented and I am looking forward to reading more from her in the future.